Anthrax, the FBI, and Dick Cheney

Not a lot fits together in this investigation about the Anthrax Mailer. There is of course this story that is a pretty classic smear job. Sure, they guy was a creepy stalker, but that doesn't mean he had the ability to create weapons grade anthrax, right? Well, not according to some. Then there of course is the title story (click title) in which the 9/11 hijackers were treated for anthrax pre-fateful flight. Its a confusing mess, but let me sort it out, very clearly for you, right here. Here is (quite obviously) what happened. January 2001. Dick Cheney is sitting along in his office. He has just finished his bowl of grape nuts (to assist in his bowl movements) which he tops with cayenne pepper and tobasco sauce (because he is insane and diabolic.) As he sits reading the National Review, with Brit Hume on the television in the background, his mind is running rapidly. He is nervous. He has not yet thought of a way to take over the Middle East. He knows he has the power to, but hasn't thought of a way to pull it off. The secretary pops her head in to ask if he'd like more coffee. He yells at her ("yes!) and then goes back to thinking. Then it comes to him. As she enters the room with a scalding cup of coffee (anything less than 160 degrees gets thrown in the face of the server) he quickly jumps from his seat, grabs his coat, and runs out the door, coincidentally splashing the coffee all over her face as he bumps into her on his way out. (She is treated for burns, recovers, and quits her job as his secretary, only to "commit suicide" a few weeks later.) He on on his way to the airport. Tampa. Central Command. At Central Command he requests a "black room" in which he meets with two men. These two men, who have Dick programmed into their cellphones, have entered the facility through a secret and incredibly well guarded underground entrance. No one knows they are there. No one even knows who the men are. Their anonymity is their power. Dick has a plan. These men go out and hire a wealthy, Middle Eastern aristocrat. Someone with wealth, but who craves more power. He does not know who they are, but because of their accent assumes they are perhaps Russian. They offer him lots of money, women, drugs, connections, and even more, if he will do something for them. Realizing their power, he wants to play along. He has nothing better to do. He is to recruit several middle class, average Middle Easterners. They are going to go to pilot school, and train for an attack. He assumes that these men hiring him are the enemy of the country being attacked. The rich Middle Easterner goes about his task. It will take some time. In the mean time the two men from Tampa have a new task. They lose their accents and meet in a Pentagon Black Room. It is time to deal with some weapons grade anthrax. There needs to be a scare. The man they meet with has Total Access. He finds the goods. Finds a patsy. Puts everything into motion. No one else needs to know a thing. Four Americans, that is all it takes. Right? Soon military grade anthrax shows up in Florida. It is transported and tested with these pilots. They are disposable, and worth the test. Then it is sent to some lefty Senators. A lead is made to a scientist with some OCD characteristics. He has an alcohol problem, and an obsession with a gal he knew in college. He is a perfect patsy. The rest is history. See? Easy. Dick Cheney. Kaiser Solsay. And at the end of his term, he'll be making even MORE bank than he was before, stock options and all. And it all started with an idea, fed by Grape Nuts and Tobasco Sauce.